Pastrami

Ok, so no photo with

2012-02-15T11:23:00.001-07:00

Ok, so no photo with today's installment. No toilet humor either.

...

huh.

Guess I have nothing to say.

Maybe tomorrow.

Sitting Down on the Job

2012-02-12T12:18:00.002-07:00

As my faithful readers are very well aware, I don't have as much time to blog as I once did. I rarely get a moment to sit down and focus on the task at hand. The throneroom of ideas has not been closed, it simply goes back to that same old problem, namely: finding the time.
I needed to find a quiet place where I could find a moment's quiet and then-bear down until I was done.
I found a place, but as much as I strained for worthy ideas, nothing materialized, and as a result, you're left with this photo of my new office.

Now That's Differnt

2012-02-03T05:47:00.002-07:00

Thank you Time magazine for that lovely headline. Perhaps your editor needs to think more differenter too.

Tasty

2012-01-27T05:42:00.002-07:00

What was it like two weeks ago that this can spilled? And you put that stuff in your body? Blech.

A Mouthful

2012-01-26T12:49:00.002-07:00

How do you pronounce "anwser"?

Can I buy more than One?

2012-01-16T14:57:00.002-07:00

You don't see a deal like that every day...

Sabotage

2012-01-12T15:46:00.002-07:00

My next novel: The Mystery of the Soda Bandits.

The Song of the Day!

2012-01-09T16:38:00.001-07:00

I've been loving this song, it never fails to stir up powerful emotion within me.

Be My Valentine

2012-01-05T13:48:00.002-07:00

True Love.

Help!

2012-01-03T07:43:00.002-07:00

So tempting...

Give Us Clean Hands

2012-01-03T05:40:00.002-07:00

This message is aimed at no one in particular...who am I to judge you for your disgusting habit of leaving public facilities with unwashen hands, thou Philistine!

Fall On Me

2012-01-03T04:59:00.002-07:00

The new Fall Fashion...
or rather the new Fall-off-a-horse Fashion.

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

2012-01-02T14:45:00.002-07:00

I feel kinda dorky, but I'm excited about this dusting of snow.

The storm lasted all of five minutes.

Poor Me

2011-12-31T11:15:00.002-07:00

I'm just sitting here...listening to Coldplay and thinking about dating Trevor...

A Little Help[er] From My Friends

2011-12-30T18:22:00.002-07:00

It was twenty years ago today drill Sergeant Andrea taught the band to play...

In celebration of little Liza Lou turning twenty we decided to go all out and make Hamburger Helper. Yes, I am suffering from heart burn right now.
Anyway, the point is, we did it as a bit of a joke. We kid with Liza and tell her that she was basically made with Hamburger Helper since we ate it so often when we were poor, both in the Army and lacked the time and creativity to prepare anything better.
Much has changed in the past twenty years: my sense of style, my parental wisdom, my ability to touch my toes and my level of competence and maturity (don't laugh) but the thing that I'm MOST thankful about is:
not having to eat Hamburger Helper.
Ha! You thought I was gonna get all sentimental!

Guffah!

2011-12-25T07:35:00.002-07:00

We just had a great Christmas moment, perhaps the best ever.
There were several "family" gifts under the tree so I tried to hand them out in a way that made sense.
Oddly enough there was a small gift bag under the tree from Kevin and Val. It should have dawned on me that this was a little odd, since they live in Michigan and we are in Virginia and the little bag was not in a box or anything.
Initially, I handed the bag to Liza to open, but then it was switched to Andrea because she wanted Liza to open some perfume. When I realized that the final box was from Mom's best friend, Terry, the bag was passed to Caleb to open.
With a sparkle in his eye he quickly dug in and found a note which read, "lovingly made by Val -1998"
Before I could even process this information he pulled out the tissue paper and exclaimed, "Hey! There's nothing in here!"
Somehow the empty bag we keep the ornaments in must have made its way under the tree.

2011-12-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

This struck me as funny. It's a little subtle, so you might have to ponder it for a moment or two.

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Still Coming Soon...

2011-12-19T14:34:00.002-07:00

Coming soon: My annual "Books I read this year" post. These might be the last books I knock out for the year bringing me to 131, if all goes as planned.
That's a bunch of reading.

Bob Ross is Winning!

2011-12-19T14:05:00.002-07:00

In celebration he painted a few happy trees.

Cuts Like a Knife

2011-12-18T13:49:00.002-07:00

Notice the subtle differences in these knives. The lousy one on the bottom is mine. It is a standard edition Easy Cut. The one above that is that is the loaded, fully equipped Easy Cut 2000 with all the bells and whistles. That knife is the biggest reason I hope to be a Zone Merchandising Supervisor one day.
It's just so beautiful.

.50 cents?

2011-12-16T06:57:00.001-07:00

My Dad would be so proud.

Of course, it's only right because I did it.

Urgent Urgent!

2011-12-13T11:29:00.002-07:00

Today's urgent project? Placing little green stickers on top of the nearly identical green tab on the exercise equipment signage...I am so glad I got that done.
So glad Walmart mailed me those stickers so that I could get them and put them on there.

Vital

Time to Disable Mobile Posts?

2011-12-12T02:22:00.001-07:00

Hello,
I am Mrs Teresa Au, HSBC Hong Kong, head of corporate
sustainability Asia pacific region. A sum of US$23,200,000.00
Million was deposited by our Late customer who died without
declaring any next of kin before his death in 2006.My suggestion to
you is to stand as the next of kin to Fadel Ahmed.We shall share in
the ratio of 50% for me, 50% for you. Please contact me via this
email.(teres.a_117@143.ae)
Thanks
Teresa Au.

I like to move it move it...

2011-12-10T04:57:00.002-07:00

One of the first training videos you watch at Walmart teaches you the art of cross-merchandising. It is very simple, really, you merely take products that go together naturally and create a "package deal" so to speak. Chocolate and peanut butter, pie filling and a pie crust, a case of beer and an at home pregnancy test kit are all good examples we've employed in the past.

Talent like this is not seen every day.

Time Is on My Side

2011-12-03T06:41:00.002-07:00

I learned upon arrival this morning that the overnight crew failed to stock 2 1/2 pallets last night and I was a bit taken aback. My shock did not come from the fact that I believed they should have been able to get all of the freight out, but rather from the fact that they DID leave anything in the back for the day crew. As you can see from the above photo, typically when they run out of time the boxes are simply stashed somewhere still full of product.
Honestly, I spend the beginning of each shift walking around and taking product from wherever it was stashed and moving it to where it actually belongs. It's fun actually. It's like a grown-up version of hide-and-seek.

Precious Memories

2011-12-02T18:19:00.002-07:00

Liza was trying to give this precious item away as a white elephant gift...Andrea objected, "Zech MADE me that!"
Zech screamed, I did NOT make that piece of junk!"
"Then why have I been keeping it?"

Melt With You

2011-12-02T10:22:00.002-07:00

Good news! I found my missing credit card.

Helter Skelter

2011-11-29T07:56:00.002-07:00

This is the only Walmart approved facial expression when dealing with customers.

He's Not Heavy (He's My Brother)

2011-11-20T19:29:00.002-07:00

I wish I could have got the rest of the stuff piled on top of that package of light bulbs in the photo...

My Favorite Show

2011-11-16T14:44:00.002-07:00

So, I came into the workout room and found this jeenyus watching tv as he jogged. He is watching static. It's not a bad photo, he's really watching static. He approached the screen as I subtly snapped this photo and then without changing the channel he resumed his workout. He did not shut off the television, he is still watching static. That is dedication.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the gym a girl is sitting on a yoga mat talking on her cell phone. She cut class "only once" and is now trying to finagle a good grade.

I know how Dark Helmet felt, we are both surrounded.

Alvin's Demise

2011-11-13T12:58:00.002-07:00

"Chipmunk Water" Gatorade's newest flavor.

Payback

2011-11-11T15:48:00.001-07:00

She made fun of my Blog to the cashier so....feel my wrath ladies!

Andrea's Version

2011-11-11T14:41:00.002-07:00

...you might be a redneck.

Enjinooity

2011-11-11T14:34:00.002-07:00

I have no words for this.

16 Covers!

2011-11-11T07:28:00.001-07:00

A pictorial history of the Intelli-CORPs...that's a lot of work!

Baldilocks and the Vacant Stares

2011-11-09T19:31:00.002-07:00

Caleb wants the world to know that I'm going bald. I'm not too worried about it. I'm 41 already, this isn't a big deal. I had friends who were quite bald by 30.

I'm more concerned about lingering random injuries. Those are far more debilitating. My leg, hip, lower back and right bicep still hurt from injuries sustained doing practically nuthin'.

Sad Anniversary

2011-11-02T14:14:00.002-06:00

Sandie bought Tom a card to make today "special". Inside she wrote: Here's to 12 years. I can't bring myself to lie and say Happy Anniversary when its not. I refuse to lie about us anymore, I'm done...I will not tolerate being treated poorly anymore!! Enjoy the day.

Do you think he took her out to dinner? Ouch.

Literally

2011-11-02T06:23:00.002-06:00

Two things:
They don't know how to spell and they are VERY literal...

Everybody Can Can

2011-11-02T04:00:00.002-06:00

And it was all 50% off baby!

Zech ate about 7 pieces while I blinked.

#16

2011-11-01T15:18:00.002-06:00

Intelli-CORPs 16 shipping today. Is that a quality looking production or what?

Shocking!

2011-10-24T16:12:00.002-06:00

Does this look safe to you?

Attention Bargain Shoppers

2011-10-22T18:57:00.002-06:00

Somehow it's not quite as fun when you work there, and when you know the person that put the price up there.
I might be too OCD for this job. I have to fix stuff like this. Continuously.

2011-10-20T17:20:00.001-06:00

Zech can write directly on this "smart board" which is like an electronic dry erase board. The kids are all having a blast racing each other or the clock.

Just found out my son puked in school today though. His math teacher told me that he spewed in the hallway and all over kids and everything.

2011-10-20T10:52:00.001-06:00

There must be something in the water out here.
This guy is really enthusiastic about M&Ms.

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2011-10-19T19:37:00.001-06:00

Captain Hook must remember
Not to scratch his toes.
Captain Hook must watch out
And never pick his nose.
Captain Hook must be gentle
When he shakes your hand.
Captain Hook must be careful
Openin' sardine cans
And playing tag and pouring tea
And turnin' pages of his book.
Lots of folks I'm glad I ain't-
But mostly Captain Hook!

-Shel Silverstein

2011-10-19T14:01:00.001-06:00

This is not a happy face.

Today is our day to fight mindless bureacracy. The library is at it now.

Get this. The Forest branch will give us a card good for 1 year for the low low price of $25. OR we can drive across town and get a card at the Campbell County library for FREE which we can in turn USE at the Forest branch.
Makes total sense does it not?

2011-10-19T08:19:00.001-06:00

"Have you heard of 9-11?"
I wanted to physically assault her. Are you kidding me? How incredibly insulting.
Apparently, my wife's ORIGINAL birth certificate is not up to Virginia's standards.
The cowardly idiot behaind the counter actually believes that she is helping the government to "keep us all safer" by allowing bureacracy to run amok.
Is there anyone out there who honestly believes that we are safer today then we were on September 10th, 2001? Do you find security in the fact that fellow passengers on the airplane do not have fingernail clippers or more than 3.5 ounces of toothpaste?

Is it too much to ask that we use a modicum of common sense when we attempt to protect this nation from its own citizens?

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2011-10-15T15:06:00.001-06:00

Ok, to me, this is hilarious. You place products together that go together naturally...like 5 Hour Energy and Video Games...

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2011-10-15T12:00:00.001-06:00

And the winner is...
Nobody.

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2011-10-15T11:58:00.000-06:00

Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel...

2011-10-14T07:58:00.001-06:00

The fine print reads: We do apologize for the smell.

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2011-10-11T12:38:00.001-06:00

WalMart Part II
It's the cleanest, newest, nicest WalMart I've ever been in.
Should be really good.

I've got the Power

2011-10-10T18:14:00.002-06:00

C'mon Zech lift that 3 pound weight!

Don't Tread On Me

2011-10-10T18:06:00.002-06:00

Intelli-CORPs doormats! Why didn't I think of that?

Spice up Your Menu

2011-10-10T07:12:00.002-06:00

Looking to shake up this week's menu?
Try any of these tasty recipes from The Joy of Cooking.

Remember "Game shot in an unsuspecting moment is more tender and will also deteriorate less quickly than game that is chased.

Sloppy

2011-10-08T17:55:00.002-06:00

Since entering college Liza's penmanship has really gone to the dogs. I can't even read this stuff anymore.
I know she doing her best to communicate but it's all greek to me.

Where Am I?

2011-10-08T13:36:00.002-06:00

What the hay?

Hot Dog?

2011-10-07T15:48:00.002-06:00

Doggie ice cream? How did they survive so long without it?

TSOD

2011-10-07T11:35:00.001-06:00

Been singing this song a lot lately. It is very uplifting, and hey, who doesn't need some of that? Be blessed.

Money For Nothin'

2011-10-05T05:36:00.002-06:00

Tangible indicator of improving economy: Finding money in the parking lot. Rolling.

Is that Smeagle?

2011-10-04T09:49:00.002-06:00

Zechy.

More Bloodshot Art

2011-10-04T09:46:00.002-06:00

Bloodshot from Valiant Comics

What Can Brown Do For You?

2011-09-30T09:37:00.001-06:00

Interesting.

I'm inside the Fed Ex store and they just had something delivered. UPS.

That would make a good commercial for somebody.

Thoughts from a Simple Mind

2011-09-29T17:37:00.002-06:00

C moon cry like a baby.

All is Vanity

2011-09-29T09:49:00.002-06:00

After ridiculing everyone else's vanity plates we went ahead and got our own. Aren't they great? It stands for X Bowl Movement.

Where Are They Now?

2011-09-29T07:22:00.002-06:00

The spider from Annie Hall now lives in the DMVs restroom in Lynchburg, VA.

Foiled!

2011-09-29T07:12:00.001-06:00

Dealing with the DMV in a post 9-11 world makes me wonder if the terrorists didn't really win.
A guy who has all but one piece of information required yet served 9 years in the military,is a registered voter, has paid the IRS every year since 1985, held a Top Secret security clearance, has been married 20 years, has three kids and current valid documentation from oher states can't catch a break.
The woman at the counter apologized and said, "We are our own worst enemy now."
If it is that obvious that the rule is ridiculous, shouldn't someone have the power to overrule it?
I'm sitting here fuming and not really feeling a whole lot of love for my country right now. Is this what we really want? Making people angry and forcing them to do the wrong thing because "It's easier" is going to make us all safer?
Sigh.
Thanks for letting me vent.

I'm in the back of a cop car right now. I'll try to post more later.

The End of the World as We Know It

2011-09-29T05:50:00.002-06:00

I think Douglas Adams wrote this warning label...

Tell Me More

2011-09-26T16:33:00.001-06:00

Just met this lady...she's telling me about how her daughter was stood up at the prom. The cops wanted to know if she or her daughter wrote "jerk" on the boys car a few days later.
She says she woulda blown his car up. That's how she rolls.
Talk about stranger danger. Let me outta here!

Napolean's Love

2011-09-26T15:17:00.001-06:00

Who doesn't love Nessie, the greatest of all of our underwater allies.

Stop Draggin' My Head Around

2011-09-26T12:51:00.001-06:00

10 seconds after Jasper realized that his Mama wasn't around, he knocked me on the ground, somehow wrapped the rope from his lead around my neck three times and took off running.
I was rather panicked, but in a moment of clarity, I realized that I owed you, gentle reader, a picture of this event so I fumbled for the phone in my back pocket and managed only this shot. I apologize for the lack of artistic quality, but it was the best that I could do at that moment.

Walking On Sunshine

2011-09-26T12:05:00.001-06:00

Our first walk without Mama..

The Scoop

2011-09-25T10:10:00.001-06:00

Many friends and family members have been curious as to just what I've been up to so...

Here's the Scoop.

"Wow"

2011-09-24T11:01:00.001-06:00

All I can say is "wow".

Water

2011-09-24T10:31:00.000-06:00

Another guest post by Zechy.

It says water and there's a puddle around it. Love it!

FWD:

2011-09-23T17:16:00.001-06:00

A classic apple with a leaf...
Zech wanted me to blog about this photo. "It's a classic." he said.
Each time a family member seeks to be a contributing editor for my blog I really have to rethink the quality of my own posts.
How does this picture of an apple aspire to greatness? I just don't see it.
Perhaps I should go the route of fruity puns...

What's Up, Duck?

2011-09-21T06:40:00.001-06:00

Thanks for the heads up. Or down rather...

Struggle!

2011-09-20T16:09:00.001-06:00

So, Zech and I just watched this guy try to unlock his van door for at least 5 minutes. Finally, he gave up and got in the other side. He then opened it from the inside and wiggled the lock to "fix" it. After that, the door wouldn't close.
Fortunately, Zech knows him so he wasn't mad when he heard us laughing.

Get it Out There

2011-09-20T09:57:00.001-06:00

You can't read it, but on the shirt it says, "your log here!"

Just think! You could have your very own log on a tee-shirt!

He could put your log anywhere!

Soon the whole world will see your log!

To the Pain!

2011-09-17T20:10:00.000-06:00

No!!!!! Don't make me read these awful comics!"

Gilad Anni-Padda

2011-09-17T18:08:00.001-06:00

I shaded this drawing I did several years ago improving it a great deal. His eyes are too close together. It's a Barry WIndsor-Smith styled Eternal Warrior.

Got My Eye Set on You

2011-09-17T18:06:00.001-06:00

My second attempt at a BWS style Gilad. The eye is still a little off.

Imitation

2011-09-17T13:04:00.001-06:00

The funny thing is, this miniature copy of the Washington Monument, located in Lynchburg, is so like the original, that after the earthquake cracked the one in DC, this one jumped in front of a car so that it too, could be surrounded with yellow caution tape.

Neat!

2011-09-16T15:41:00.001-06:00

Well, here is a pic of my wife's luggage hahahaha. She sent this to me before she left this morning for Baltimore/DC. Why? Uh...Your guess is as good as mine.

You Got It

2011-09-16T06:41:00.001-06:00

I was fighting for this prime shady parking space in the grocery store parking lot and relinquished it for the other guy when I got to the store...he got it. Boy did he get it. It wasn't even windy but something knocked that tree down. Very shady.

Style

2011-09-15T20:26:00.001-06:00

Baffled by the Birthday Boy. I really don't know what's going on with this guy.

Generic

2011-09-15T14:07:00.001-06:00

Whatever it is-it's contagious.

F-F-f-fashion

2011-09-15T13:57:00.000-06:00

What do you buy the young man who has everything?
A book on fashion apparently.

Gift Ideas

2011-09-14T14:20:00.001-06:00

Don't tell my mom but this is what I'm thinking about getting her for Christmas this year.

Solar Man of the Atom

2011-09-14T07:56:00.001-06:00

Solar asks a pertinent question.

Victory!

2011-09-10T15:49:00.001-06:00

Go fight win. Zech was blowing his own horn a little at the game last night.
The Pioneers won 21-7. We had so much fun.
Momma got misty eyed watching her two boys play the National Anthem.

Upside down...You're turning me...

2011-09-09T16:37:00.001-06:00

"So we've got ONE that's upside down. I didn't think it was but it is."
Nice catch.The funniest thing is this: They flip. If you flip it over, it will be right side up. During the show, they DO flip them. In other words, it's always gonna be upside down half of the time. They changed it entirely so that it would be right-side up to start with. I don't understand these people.

Heritage v EC Glass

2011-09-09T15:11:00.001-06:00

1st game of the season!

Mickey! Speak to Me!

2011-09-09T10:43:00.001-06:00

Oh snap.

Truckin'

2011-09-08T20:13:00.001-06:00

Sweet ride.

Tattoo You

2011-09-08T19:30:00.001-06:00

Jess gave Liza a homemade tattoo...even though she tried to put her foot down about it.
It says "Lovingly Handmade by God"

The Song of the Day

2011-09-07T09:22:00.004-06:00

Enjoy.

Break the code

2011-09-06T07:41:00.001-06:00

Break the code:
"LTMPH XOMTTE XGFA, 'F NRXO JGKO OC AC LP NCI JTHH.' GKA MTGHHP, OWGO'X GHH F'L TBTM OMPFKV OC AC." EGRH LYYGMOKTP

When Did This Happen?

2011-09-05T10:44:00.000-06:00

It's official. I'm lame.

Walmart sells $5 cds with "great" artists like Weird Al, Vanilla Ice, Celine Dion and... Duran Duran.

Sigh.

Wisdom of Calvin

2011-09-05T09:18:00.001-06:00

Ignorance is truly bliss.